Thought experiment: gravity and time.

Somehow time and gravity are related to each other in the manifestation of the universe as we humans can see it. 

Gravity, as one theoretical physicist described, is not the stuff of a dimension in our universe as much as it is the indirect manifestation of forces which are beyond our comprehension.  Like the ebb and flow of water currents we feel while we are completely immersed in a body of water.   Perhaps it is theoretical dark matter that is the structure or fluid working to manifest the gravity we can measure.  

Time is another aspect of this dimension we do not quite grasp yet.    I think time and gravity represent one, or two, polar imbalances in a thing(s) beyond our comprehension.  Time and gravity are the tears in the fabric of the universe, and black holes are the points where time and gravity come back to quiescent states.

I like to think of time as being analogous to a static discharge between two objects, but on a very massive scale, moving forward at speeds, relative to our perceptive abilities, which make it seem constant.  And, gravity is the force opposing the discharge of energy.  We cannot see and determine what makes time and gravity because without the energy of the spark(time imbalance) and resistance to the tear (no-gravity) that brought this universe to life is in a different, and imperceptible dimension (no-time).   If anti-gravity exists along with anti-time, it cannot be seen or felt at all by us.    If it is there it would be just beyond the center point of a black hole.    Black holes represent the return to a state of quiescence for time and gravity.    When we look at it from afar, it is like looking through a concave glass where all of our perceptions based in relativity disappear into potential of a static energy.    The places where the spark of our universe looks for its balance.

Every bit of energy in the universe we can perceive is a bit of that imbalance desperately trying too find a way back to the null state.   Clumped balls of this energy are manifested in what we see as gas, asteroids, planets, stars, galaxies and black holes.   The bigger the clumps are, and the the slower time is for them, the closer they are to the center of a black hole.   The problem is in finding a way to describe time and gravity as manifestations of (a) dimensional force(s).    

With time and gravity, it is like we are looking at (perceiving), or feeling the affects of dimension(s) out of balance, and we see the affectations as energy returned to balance, manifested as a black hole.  The forces that make gravity and time are beyond our comprehension because we are the spawn of the imbalances which can no longer exists on the point of a black hole where those forces probably lie.  Understanding it would be like Richard Feynman explaining the quantum theories to his dog.   The dog loves the attention he is getting, but none of the ideas beyond the love between his master and the dog are getting through to the dog.

Retirement, the First Year: Someone, Please help me find an NGO in need!

I find retirement to be a complex bag of bad and good. I am writing this to help me sort things out, and in hopes to entertain or inform those who read it.  There are several factors which have complicated the matter of finding complete happiness in my new reality.   I've wanted to retire for many years, but not to stop working. Just yesterday, a friend had posted an article about the problem of older white males being the one demographic in the US population who are dying at a rate faster than any other.  Essentially, they are feeling the most despair, and are dying from ill-health, suicides, overdoses of heroin, etc.   Not an article that cheered me very much because I am right in the middle of that demographic, and I have been feeling some measure of despair this past year among the many bright spots too.

The past year has had some very big highlights.   The marriage of my son to his bride was so much fun and a perfect celebration put on by the bride's wonderful parents.   The Philippines has called me the Tropical islands twice this year.    It is such a beautiful place with such wonderful, and generous people.  I think they will soon be the next Asian economic success story as the politics of the Philippines becomes more focused on good governance.  I enjoyed a leisurely drive to visit family in Tennessee. Taking an adventure with my daughter to Montana for a month in the summer was another highlight.  Although my goal of moving to Montana could not be realized, it was great fun to go there and live with my brother for a month.    We also had a nice little trip to Southern Vermont to visit a dear old friend.   Perhaps the best over all, has been the amount of time I have been able to spend with family and friends, and taking my time about it.  

The most negative impact of early retirement has been in the manifestation of anxiety and panic attacks.   There is nothing more dreadful in life than a mind that is quite capable of giving you a sense of dread and foreboding for, seemingly, no particular reason.  The problem of panic and anxiety is a wonderful mix of genetics and circumstance with which too many Americans face in all aspects of their lives.    Panic attacks and anxiety really have no particular solution in the world of pharmacology, and in the world of psychology a root cause may be found to help diminish the impact of one's ailment, but the time and money commitment required are more a luxury than most people can afford.    It comes down to being able to "own" the negative emotion and learn techniques and confidence to minimize, control and re-channel the energy if you can.  The best ideas on managing my particular brand of attacks came from other people who've had similar issues and shared them on YouTube.    My physician has been very helpful in giving me the Hydroxozine and Alprazolam (addictive if you are not careful) I can use if the attacks become unbearable.    I do not have to use them too often, but it is nice to know I have it if needed.

A cousin of mine, more than once over the years, has warned me not to retire before I had some other work lined up.  Unfortunately,  my fellow American citizens in the state of Alaska voted my boss out of office (American voters can do the strangest things), and there was no work for me to turn to.    I considered myself quite fortunate to have the option to take retirement.    It was not easy, but I did manage to reorganize our finances so that I could retire and not worry about any of the bills being missed.   My pension gives me the very slightest of a margin in the black, but at least I will not have to borrow money for regular expenses.  I had put together a tidy sum to get me through my son's wedding expenses July of 2015, and by then I had hoped to find new employment.  Adjusting to a Spartan life has not been easy at all, and I am still unemployed.

The closer you are to the political leaders of our system the less likely you are to be able to count job security in the Federal Government.     Most, if not all, personal office staffers do eventually find work after the rug is pulled out from under them, and yet it is a jarring experience to loose an election and job at the same time, even if you know your job is very insecure going in.   In the 28 years I had worked on Capitol Hill, I came to know a particular truism about the dangers of working in Senate Offices, but it was not something you can prepare for.   Once a staffer leaves, they are almost immediately desperate to come back.    It is very exciting to be at the nexus of national politics and the bright ambitious people around you make it a fun place to work.   Very addictive indeed,  however the stress is not always so good for you mental and familial well-being.   I have been going through withdrawal for a year.   I think I am finally at a point where the allure is no longer there.   There were two offices I had considered, but fortunately for me, neither one wanted me for some valid reason or another.

There is a moral hazard to being financially set, as I am, when it comes to looking for work.  My fear is that it has made me increasingly lazy about the pursuit, and I can be more picky about what I am willing to do.   Another problem comes in the fact that I have I already had a career, and it is glaringly apparent by any hiring manager who looks at my resume (older workers are less attractive for most open positions).   I could go to work at a low skill position like stocking shelves at a box store, or could look for a job similar to the one I lost.  Or, although this sort of patronage has become more scarce in the Federal Government, I could get some politically-connected job that really does not do anything but make-work. 

I really do not have desire to pursue the same job I just left.   It was very rewarding and I loved trying to maximize our budget and help make my colleagues lives better.  And yet, it was very stressful to be in a system where we were trying to run a $6million operation on a $3million budget.  With all of the strong personalities and competing agendas there was bound to be conflict, even in a team that was as dedicated and focused as ours was.  We had a great boss who was extremely loyal to Alaska and his staff, and loyalty is a two way street.

So, I have been pursuing information technology certifications.   I love solving problems and helping people get their systems functioning as they need.    Most of my career was in the realm of the technical, so why not go back into that?   I have taken 4 exams so far, and missed the last one by just a percentage point, and that was a big blow to my confidence, so now I am studying for a retake.   But really, I don't know if I will eventually get back into technical support.   I have sent my resume to lots and lots of organizations, but little response, or they insist on some level of clearance I do not have.

I've also thought of teaching, but going back to school has held me back.  I am no academic and the prospect of trudging through a year of Teacher Certification courses and examinations has deterred me.  There is the possibility of going the route of substitute teaching, but I am not sure yet how committed I would be to an off and on job.

My real passion would be in helping an NGO bring energy to the homes of under-served third world people, to help some local communities the appreciate the value of the rule of law and good governance practices, help a village understand and commit to maintaining good public infrastructure like sewage systems.   Yesterday I was chatting to a friend in the Philippines who is a University staffer about what Mindanao needs and can use, and that gets me very excited, but the opportunities are slim.  I have never been very skilled and leveraging my connections for jobs either.  It is a true skill in the world of politics, but one I was never very good at.

So, after a year away from my exciting Senate career, this is where I sit.    I am a very lucky guy who has worked very hard and with patience to make sure there was a good stable middle class existence for  my family and myself.   I think I can say I have met with success, but I do not feel like I am done contributing to society.  I am very fortunate to have family and friends, people I love, I can turn to for advice and assurance. My physician, assures me that this a time for me to reinvent myself, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.    I guess I am still in the cocoon, and I am looking forward to emerging.    I am hopeful, even as my worried self goes into bouts of panic and anxiety.

How did we get here?

This election most unlike any I have ever seen, and in a way I had not expected.  It is reflective of America's angry mood and the political and economic leaders of this country might want to start paying attention. This marginalization of our governing institutions has been by design since the 1980s and it has come to a dangerous tipping poi

The first presidential election I had paid attention to was the 1976 election.   Jimmy's green button a symbol of natural unassuming intelligence seemed so refreshing.   We needed to get someone in there who was not cut from the same corrupt cloth of Washington establishment.   This was not long after the Nixon era.  Following Jimmy Carter in 1980, I thought GW Bush might be a good change from a country in the doldrums.    Bush was fairly competent, but he was an insider after all and did not excite the base very much.   What seemed to be missing was emotional enthusiasm.  

1984 is the year the GOP began a new era of emotional, message-based, campaigning, and the strategy is still going strong today for both parties.   Style over substance became a much more important consideration for strategy in national politics then.    Ronald Reagan was a good looking, very amiable, and compassionate man.   He did not need to particularly gifted in the arena of politics and governance, he just had to play the part well.    It worked, America fell in love with a new kind of figurehead and our collective spirits were lifted.    Mondale did not have a chance in 1984, he was brilliant, and professional, but a bland politician.   He might have been a far more engaged President than Reagan, but he gave Americans very little inspiration.  
nt.   When revolutionaries and reactionaries are leading the charge with plenty of popular support from the extremes, it is time for the true leaders to wake from their slumber.    Whether or not a big change is necessary, or inevitable, it needs to be put into the hands of our most competent leaders.

Leap on up to this election of 2016 and we see the culmination of a political system that has been beaten and tortured by money and political insiders to a precarious point.  Americans are getting excited and paying attention the the extremes on the left and the right at the same time.  The traditional party of the right's most favored candidates have been crushed and barely register, for a reactionary candidate spews bluff and bluster appealing to fear and absolutism.   The establishment party on the left has a very competent leader who inspires very little in the way of grass roots and consistently loosing ground to an avowed socialist candidate.

I have watched politics on the Hill go from a partisanship that meant loyal opposition and mutual respect (agree to disagree), to an era where partisanship means destructive competition and forced tolerance of each other.     Members used to party together and enjoy each others company both on and off the floor far more than they do now.  In the past, the "policy" committees were called the Majority Policy and the Minority Policy because it was in bad taste to suggest external political parties had any influence on the work that was being done on the Hill.   Now is is the Democratic and Republican Policy Committees, and most of the votes are essentially driven by the external national political parties for the sake of messaging and offending the party opposite.

in the 90s and early 2000s we worked very hard in the Senate Information Technology community to keep the Senate, as a national institution, apace with with innovations of the information technology revolution.   There were a lot of very talented people working on that project and I think they succeeded on that count.     However, at the same time, many other factors were at work, with the aid of the information technology revolution,  to conspire against our government's relevance as a fair and respected designer and executor of good governance for our country.    

Style over substance, power over accountability,  and victory over commonwealth have been the themes most injurious to our system of politics of late.   The examples of these themes are so numerous that I can barely begin to pick ones to give.    In Senate offices, the communications operation may have consisted of two or three staffers dedicated to messaging and communication with the press and Internet presence, now it is not uncommon to see four or six staffers taking up the precious allotments of the salary budget.    In the House the functions of committees have turned their intended role of oversight into a more politically gratifying role of embarrassing an opponent and making a splash.   At the same time Congress is working hard to disable regulatory agencies and roles in a philosophy proves politician can be penny wise and pound foolish with the best of them (think Flint, Michigan).

So over the past 40 years, with the GoP taking the lead, and the DNC following suit, the United States has come to a presidential election where America's two most popular candidates represent the extremes of the political spectrum.    The Internet and information technology has greased the wheels, the amount of money that can be made by media outlets has made objective reporting, or public oversight, a rare thing (with C-SPAN being the last refuge of fair dialogue), the political parties have managed to exert far more political pressure on Congress than they used to have, the power of well financed interests has managed to make the government less effective in its duty to serve the greater good, and Congress has worked to take the balance of economic power out of the middle class with tax laws.   Is it any wonder a reactionary and a revolutionary are leading the pack?